Greg and Al's Excellent Adventure

I died

2007-01-26T18:56:00.000+13:00

Nah! Haha just kidding!
roflmao
at home

Yay I didn't die

2007-01-25T08:03:00.000+13:00

Back in the New Zealand now. Not dead. Good.

Amongst the Crasians (crazy asians)

2007-01-23T17:33:00.000+13:00

Some of you may have heard that we were meant to be on different flights from Taiwan, with Greg staying a full day. However, it turns out the flight I was booked on didn't exist... so now we're on the same flight. Although all this was fixed at the counter for free, it does mean I miss my flight to Wellington by a day, and then the bastards charged me $120 to change it. I don't know if EVA Air fucked up, or if it was STA Travel, but someone is going to give me that money back or their offices will be torched. Not by me... By someone else... Who looks like me on security cameras but isn't actually me. Honest.

So today we are in Taiwan. I didn't have any money, but then my parents gave me some as emergency because I thought I was flying straight through. Taiwan uses dollars, but its 20:1 to NZ$ so I feel rich. We are going on a free tour, after free night in 5-star hotel, with free buffet breakfast and now I'm using free internet. Taiwan is a cheap place.

Also, Laser Mission is a sweet movie. It was the classic on the flight over. Classic.

I'm trying to think of a pun, but Greg 'pun'ishes me now if I do.

2007-01-21T10:17:00.000+13:00

Yeah so if I make puns now, Greg waits a couple of sentences and then just repeats it back. Apparently my Uncle is a punny guy too -it must be genetic.

Today we went for a drive around the south of England. Greg: I like the English countryside. Yes Greg, it is nice. We went to a beach where it was stoney. I threw rocks at the sea to get back at the Yrr. Barstards. Greg threw rocks at me because he suspected I was a jew. At first I was angry, but when he explained it like that, I thought it was fair enough.

I need to get a book for the flight because the other books finished and the iPod died. I'm thinking the Koran could be interesting. Well at least if you read out the passages about infidels while boarding. Fuck people at Heathrow are Islamophobic (I learnt a new word on the British Communist Party website -my cousin's homepage). Greg: Al doesn't realise that they're just anti-semitic. I think this smear campaign stems from me having not spent any money after borrowing 50c from him in France...

We have been spreading the word of Flight of the Conchords, who, with our help, should be set to 'take-off' over here. Hahahahaha. But I think they'll just crash and burn in Paris... too soon? Greg: Don't laugh that's not funny. Nah just kidding it's fucking hilarious.

Brighton? Not so. It was cloudy. I love puns.

2007-01-20T14:18:00.000+13:00

So today we went to Brighton on the English seaside and it was pretty much like what you'd expect from the English seaside. It had a pier, and a pile of metal that used to be the other pier but I guess it was built with immigrants or something just as shoddy like aluminium or tin, in fact I hear that tins not as structurally sound as we were all led to beleive. Now you can have your cake AND eat it. Hows that for news?

Also Al forgot to mention that when we were in Nimes, I went to a rugby training for this Uni team and played rugby with them and im still sore from exercising for the first time in about 4 months. I assume that about now Benny and jamie are leaving/left after going to the BDO. So they should have fun. Dont know what we are doing tomorrow. We'll have to see if Al wakes up before midday (he rarely does now that he's old).

Tools coming again to NZ in September. Yay for me. I hope I go. It will be a fun time for me. If I go. I hope I do it would be a fun time and I would say Yay, for me.
Goodnight.

EasyJet -more like LazyJet

2007-01-19T08:22:00.000+13:00

So we made it back to England and to my Uncle's place near London.

We left Nimes in the morning after saying goodbye to the french girls we were staying with. They are going to Australia soon and are thinking of an excursion to New Zealand. I hope they come, because they completely changed my views on the French. And Julie is an amazing cook, particularly when you've been surviving on stale muffins since Valencia.

When we got to London-Gatwick, the landing was a little bumpy but nothing like a typical Wellington day, yet apparently we're in the midst of a perfect storm that has killed a few people so far by falling trees. Therefore, we sat on the tarmac for about an hour because the cargo handlers were too scared (/bound by health and safety regulations) to bring the bridgey thing to the plane. Then when we did finally get off, there was another hour wait for the luggage back-log to go.

I can see why they made that program Airline about EasyJet.

French people -not as bad as we were led to believe

2007-01-18T05:28:00.000+13:00

Firstly, French keyboards are seriously fucked up. From now on I'll type as if it were normal...

So todqy ae qre in Nî,es becquse we couldn%t get in touch zith our hosts in Qix or this girl in ?qirseille before lqst night; It is q nice tozn; Even though they hqve exq,s they qre still drinking zith us; French people qre not qs bqd qs the zorld sqys. I feel I should point out, fro, the stqte of the typing, thqt ze qre not drunk noz;;;

To,,oroz ze fly to London to recover qt ,y Uncle%s plqce for q fez dqys before the return journey;

GREG SCORED!

2007-01-16T04:24:00.000+13:00

himself a new bag -this was mean to go above but then the title would have been too long. Sorry for the confusion. Stop crying, Lucy.

Today we are still in Valencia. This is a day longer than we initially thought, but we needed to do some shopping. I have decided to get small gifts for the flat and the family, because I have to live with them and otherwise they may shit in my shoes (particularly worried about my Dad...). Everyone else, well, it's not that I don't love you but actually it is. That and my bag is not going to fit gifts for my masses and masses of friends. Also, it is heavy as it is.

Today it was cold -only 16 degrees. And not sunny. I guess the sun can't shine every day in Spain. But personally I blame Greg for downloading 'Always take the weather with you' last night so now we will be followed by the shitty weather you guys are having.

Heading to France tommorow, well that is the plan. But our plans haven't gone that well in the past so we may end up in Angola.

We also went to the bull fighting ring today, but there was no fight. I think the whole bull fighting thing is a load of bull made up for the tourists but they never actually do it.

What are you looking at, punk?

2007-01-15T04:49:00.000+13:00

We went to this underground punk rock concert last night. It was pretty sweet. The city council apparently gives them these old buildings to turn into concert venues. There was a mosh pit. Well actually there was really just us and the Italians we are staying with and every so often a random. Alessandro accidentally headbutted me in the nose. Mosh pits are fun. Then we went ot go to some other club. I wanted to stop and burn this couch but the Italians weren't so keen -more like Itali-lames... Nah just kidding these guys are really cool.

When we got to the club, it closed like half an hour later. Also, 50 Cent wasn't there so I guess he was lying when he said we could find him in the club in that song. Dick. Then we went to go to another club but it had closed. So we walked home. It was an hour walk, but there was heaps of sweet stuff to see on the way. I set up a shoe shop on the side of the road with some stuff I found in the bin, but Greg, fearing for my sexuality, kicked it down. I think I will always look back on my time as the owner of a shoe shop in Valencia fondly.

Team New Zealand may have sold out

2007-01-14T08:51:00.000+13:00

We are in Valencia. It is very nice. Warm and stuff. Not warm enough to swim, but we did do that at a beach in Tarragona next to the old amphitheatre on the way down from Barcelona. Pretty much Spain is awesome.

We went down to the America's Cup village today. It isn't finished yet but I think it will be pretty good. There was no one at the Team New Zealand base -I think they might be training in New Zealand. Most of the other teams are. Actually I should call it Emirates Team New Zealand, because that's its official name here. And also, Steinlager has been cut as a sponsor to make way for the Spanish (and pretty average) beer Estella Damm. Selling out to the man, or the senor perhaps.

We are going out tonight because one of the guy's we are staying with, his home town football team in Italy won it's first game this season (18 matches so far). He says we can't leave because us being in Valencia has been a goof luck charm.

To the beach.... and beyond!

2007-01-13T09:52:00.000+13:00

Today we took ye olde train from Barcelona (a wonderfully awesomely brilliant town) to Valencia (so far the same-ish as Barcelona) with a 4 hour stopover in Taragona.. or I think thats what it was called. It used to be the capital of Spain...back in the Roman days. It had a wall and a stadium thing and circus. All romanesque. So that was a mean as town. Have to go back one day fo sizzle. We also went to the beach... and beyond. Which mean swimming, and it was nice. As it normally is when its like 22 degrees and there aint a cloud in the sky. So that was sweet. Now were chilling wit some Italian dudes in their casa in Valencia. Its rad. Catch you on the flip side.

Spain

2007-01-12T07:15:00.000+13:00

Temperature is in the 20s, strawberries are cheaper than in NEw Zealand, and wine in a dollar a bottle. Spain rocks.

We are going on a pub crawl tonight. More details later...

Spain is like Italy except with out as much old stuff. Oh and its like 50x better. And the spanish girls make the italians look like horses. Ugly horses.

Heading to Valencia tommorow.

That was the wine

2007-01-10T03:55:00.000+13:00

The last post revealed, if you had'nt already noticed, that Al is an angry drunk. The Swiss gueards are friendly people and even the 'curtains' arent that impressive. We are about to leave Italy after like a week and a half of weather warmer than in NZ and were hading on to sunnier Spain. I'm wearing a t-shirt at the moment and last time I checked it was raining in NZ. Sorry.

Rome is hilarious. Especially when the police come and the counterfeit sunglass indian dudes run away but then some get caught and the police confiscate their shit. It's mean. In both senses. 1€ for 1 hour internet is sweet too. Well we best go and catch the bus to the plane to the bus. Or we might miss the plane to Barcelona. Try figure that out.

This beer is hell

2007-01-09T11:50:00.000+13:00

There is a beer in Italy called Hell. We didn't buy it -mike the aussie did. It was bad. So we had a couple of casual bottles of wine instead to celebrate our 10th country so far -the Holy See. Its aka's as the Vatican, for those of you who don't know.

It was rainy and the police gave us some free umbrellas they had confisctaed out of a bin because some dodgy indian had dumped them there as he ran from the cops. It was mean.

The Vatican has lots of old stuff and paintings and shit. Forget the ceiling, the most impressive part of the Sistine Chapel is the walls which are painted to look like curtains. Like hardcore curtains. Mean.

I didn't fight the Swiss guards, even though I was angry at them for being Swiss.

I came, I saw, someone tried to pickpocket me

2007-01-08T07:28:00.000+13:00

Someone tried to pickpocket me last night. And then we ended up in a bar where there was transvestites. That's what happens when you got to town with an aussie.

When in Rome

2007-01-06T10:31:00.000+13:00

Today we saw the Colosseum and the Forum and stuff. They have a lot of old stuff here. Most of it's broken -as this Aussie guy Michael suggested then could put a couple of concrete blocks anywhere in the city and put a fence around it and the tourists would come and take photos of it. Rome is sweet though.

Last night we had a epic meal. My parents thought we needed to eat well on my birthday so they gave me €100. We had a 5 course meal. The waiter couldn't speak any English and hoped our Italian would be okay... At least we didn't accidentally order shit on a plate or anything.

This American guy was just saying he wants to get arrested here because that's what he does in Europe. It's more fun than in America apparently. But if you're going to smoke weed in front of the Paris Central Police Station...

Ti amo Italia!

2007-01-04T04:48:00.001+13:00

Good evening from Naples! Especially to our strong following in Sweden (11%). We love Swedish people. Yesterday we woke up in Naples and saw the myraiad of beautiful sites around the city. 3 castles in all which were pretty impressive. New Zealand needs more castles, or atleast some to begin with. So far weve had like 5 pizzas and theyre good. I want more pizza tonight but Al's all like nah I want pasta. Pasta's for bitches, unless its with pasta sauce. That's good. Then today we took the epic train journey to Pompeii and saw the Roman town complete with encased bodies, beware of the dog signs and ruined buildings. I'd say its a good vision of Auckland in 10 years time (Hopefully). Naples is actually remarkably asian seeming. It sounds weird but its kinda crowded and dirty and theres people selling stolen camcorders to you on scooters and theres cheap stuff aplenty. Man i want more pizza. Hope its warming up in NZ now. We were down to t-shirts yesterday but it was only about 13 here today so not that great. Naples is a beautiful city though and a great place to be... unless your a girl apparently. Then your liable to be hit on by every sleazy italian guy/Al. So watch out. Take care, see you on the 23rd/24th!

Happy New Year.

2007-01-01T21:44:00.000+13:00

Happy New Year. Happy New Year. We are tired and smell like wine. Its 9.46am and I have not slept. We met heaps of randoms and somehow we took like 30 photos each. Hope you all had a good time and did not get rained on. Post comments with what you got up to. Off to Naples I think.

Al learned not to stop Italians fighting because one of them will pick you up and throw you and you will land on your kidney and it hurts. That'll teach him. Have a nice day.

In Rome/Al's a woman

2006-12-31T22:48:00.000+13:00

Hello all from a very temperate Rome: im down to just a jersey. Al worries to much, as you can see from the posts and this combined with the fact that he was crying about needing a shower means that he has, in fact, lost his manhood. Right now im waiting for him to come back and thats why this will be a very rambly post. Congratulations on you achievement Helen, that is something to be proud of. All ive got so far is a letter from Knox saying I lost my key, and possibly an offer for honours in Geography but we'll see. So N-Diddy, you gonna come and see me in London on the 18th/19th/20th/21st of January? You can surely make it down for 1 night (and p.s. Lucy's my girlfriend but if you want we can still sex. Same sex relations are alright.) Tonight is going to be a 12h Spumante binge. Cant wait. I thihnk we'll go to an outdoor party somewhere and throw up. Should be rad- like 1970's rad. Or rad-racer rad (depending which one is more rad). Al sure takes a long time. But hes back yay. Post time.

The plan

2006-12-31T01:33:00.000+13:00

We will leave Zurich tonight on a night train, get to Rome tommorow morning, sneak into a youth hostel and use their showers for free, put our bags in lockers at the station and then party all night so we don`t need a place to sleep (lucky I brought caffeine pills with me). Then we`ll head down to Naples to couchsurf till hostels in Rome get cheaper.

This morning our host had to go to work at 6am so we left the flat then to and went up Uitliberg again and watched dawn over the Alps. It was amazing. But incredibly cold. I still feel cold and that was many hours ago. Got some good photos of it though, so you guys can enjoy it without having to endure it.

HELP!

2006-12-30T05:33:00.000+13:00

We are going to be homeless from tommorow for several days.

We sent 20 emails out for couchsurfing in Rome a week ago and have got no responses.
The hostels are either full or ridiculously expensive for New Years.
This is the same in all nearby areas.

If anyone knows someone living in Rome or nearby (even a dubious `friend of a friend` type linkage), EMAIL US IMMEDIATELY.

It is still too cold to sleep outside and in Rome we would almost certainly get robbed.

Dial .ch for Switzerland

2006-12-30T03:44:00.000+13:00

For some reason websites in Switzerland end with .ch. Imnot sure if the Swiss are retarded (Although we have seen a disproportionate number of retards/schizo`s/jamies) or they just cant spell. Surely .sw would have been more appropriate seeing as there are no c`s or h`s in Swityerland. Anyway that aside our fortunes in Zürich have improved dramitically as we do have a place to stay and we even went up this big hill today and got a splendid view of Zürich, the lake, the Alps and the Swiss countryside. It was almsot as good as looking at Lucy. Tomorrow I think we go to Rome but im not sure. Probably though. Sounds good. Yay for planning. On a lighter note I like marzipan and free library internet. Just thought you`d like to know. Oh yeah and last night we slept in the train station... and then McDonalds but then we got kicked out and slept in the train station again. It was mean. The schizo that I mentioned earlier was this crazy lady who sounded eastern european or something and she was speaking into this phone in english and it was weird. Something about her getting Fr. 3000 for killing woman...? I thought she was a mail order wife/hooker talking to her husband/pimp but we`ll never know. Saved 50 bucks by not getting a room. It was sweet.

Die Schweiz -more like Scheiss

2006-12-29T09:04:00.000+13:00

We are in Zurich. It is cold. We have no place to stay because couchsurfing has been down for a bit so the girl that was going to host us ha`snt got back in contact. Also, this keyboard is really fucked up -like every country we go to has a different arrangement but this is just crazy.

My eyes are soiled and Risiko

2006-12-26T10:50:00.000+13:00

Hello again everyone hope you saw snow today because we sure didnt. Today whilst Al moped about his German cold- I wonder where he got it from.... Arne, Malte, Birte, their cousin and I went to Ostsee-Therme which was like this swimming complex on the Baltic sea. So we went watersliding and swimming and had a dip in the Baltic. If you look on the map you'll realise its a fuck load more north than Invercargill is south. So that was cold but to warm up we had a 90c sauna. That was hot. But the naked people were not. Why do no hot people go into the naked saunas? And thus my eyes are soiled. Anyway that was cool and then there was Risiko, and I didnt win. Yes thats right I didnt win. I know that shocked alot of you but its true. I was wedged in a most unfortunate of positions and never held more than two continents. Al lost. No suprises. Even after Malte let Al hide inside his territory. Al made it up to him by capturing the entirety of Malte's interior. Didnt affect much though. In the end Malte won. Just. But it was close and exciting and I'm on a sugar high. So it's sweet. Haha pun. I wasnt going to add the pun bit but then Al suggested I do so I did. I'm such a comic genius.

The 25th is Gunther's birthday, not Christmas.

2006-12-26T03:53:00.000+13:00

Some of you will know that the German's do their Christmas thingy on the 24th. Today is the 25th. It is Malte's Dad's birthday (Malte is Greg's family's exchange student).

Malte slept with a 14 year old in Greg's bed when he was in New Zealand. I just thought I should mention that. Apparently she didn't need to shave...

Anyway, so Greg, Malte, Arne and possibly Birte too (I'm not really paying attention) went swimming but I decided to flag because I've caught some crazy German cold and feel like shit. Not that this would stop me drinking tonight if the opportunity still exists. So I took a nap. It was epic. Speaking of epic, we are playing a game of Risk/Risiko tonight. With Germans. Over Christmas dinner Malte was talking shit about New Zealand never conquering anything so we'd be shit at Risk and Greg says 'What was that country we conquered in Europe? Begins with a G... Oh that's right, Germany!' This actually didn't go down badly, though I'm glad he refrained from yelling 'Kristalnacht all over again' when someone broke a glass.

Everyone else has gone... somewhere. So I'm hanging out with the dog, the turtles and the fish.

We head to Zurich in a few days, and then on to Rome.

Frohe Weihnachten

2006-12-25T22:31:00.000+13:00

Merry Christmas and all of that. It is not white. Except for the sky. And the people. But not as white as before. Even Geisenhausen had some foreigns. Well one foreign. And a foreign shop.

I havent posted in a long time

2006-12-24T22:00:00.000+13:00

Hello everyone, my name is Greg and if you've been on this site in the last two weeks you wouldn't have seen me. Dont ask me why I havent posted in a while because if you do i'll tell you that Al was a computer hog. And also he set it up so that I cant change the format of the page. Basically Al has been telling all the cool stories and all I get to do is tell him what to write. All the innapropriate stuff however was written by Al. He deletes it if I put it up. We are in some village, somwhere near Lübeck, Germany or possibly Norway. And apparently the 24th is like christmas. So merry Christmas. Although when you read this it'll probably be Christmas there too.
Have a happy time in New Zealand and wherever else! Hope it gets above 13C because its almost that warm here!

The Soap

2006-12-24T04:37:00.000+13:00

We are currently back in Berlin on our way up to Lübeck for Christmas. It's good that I like train travel.

It's not Greg's fault we are in Berlin again. The 'timetables' are to blame apparently.

Some guy was staggering around the train on drugs or something so got escorted off at Leipzig by the police. He is gonna be so gutted when he sobers up tommorow, and not just 'cause he's in Leipzig and it looks a bit of a shit hole.

So yesterday we went with my exchange student's sister and her boyfriend to Munich to go to this fair thingy that's where Oktoberfest is (I actually went to this Tolwood thing last time I was in Germany and got hammered. Mean). It was possibly the most awkward ride ever because the fought the whole way and unfortunately I could understand them. They have some serious issues -she may or may not have fallen asleep during sex. And it was only when we were in Munich that Jane decided to tell Johannis that I can understand German. But on the plus side, we did 210km/h on the way there. But again on the negative side, Johannis was so distracted that at one point we were going the wrong way in a one way street (even Greg picked up it was one-way without being able to read the massive 'Einbahnstrasse' signs).

Then we went to this party (high school party. Gigidy). We got drunk. We lost at Fussball. I got a free green Santa robe that I will use as a dressing gown next year, even though it doesn't do up at the front. It also has a hood, so when you put that up you look like the irish KKK (mean?).

It's not Greg's fault we are in Berlin again. The 'timetables' are to blame apparently.

The Soap, as it is called, is a series of events my exchange student was involved in in Greece on a class trip this year. Firstly, he scores his ballroom dancing partner. Then he decides he wants his ex back so scores her. Ballroom dancing partner kicks him in the balls. So he goes and scores one of his ex's best friends on the beach. And then almost got with another girl. And somehow he is back together with his ex. Mean. High five!

Also, I think Greg is missing Lucy. I woke up this morning and he was in my bed. Unfortunately both of us blacked out before going to bed so we don't know how this happened. My host mother gave us a very funny look when she came to wake us up.

Back in the Bundesrepublik

2006-12-21T07:05:00.000+13:00

So we are back in Germany for a bit. We are currently in Geisenhausen (don't try and find it on a map -you won't), the small Bavarian town where I did my 2-month exchange. Not much seems to have changed in three years and it seems really wierd to be back. I mean, two of the English teachers even recognised me (yes we did go to school for a bit yesterday, wagged German and considered getting drunk before coming back for English with Herr Kraft. In other news, Herr Kraft asked me to coffee...). I'm not sure Maxi told people I was coming because Fischer (one of the guys I hung out with quite a bit) walked into the common room and was like 'holy fuck! Alastair? Does Maxi know you're here?' I was annoyed I hadn't thought of just randomly showing up at his school.

There was an impromtu party last night where we taught everyone circle of death. Bustarhyme becomes a lot more difficult when it is bilingual, particularly for Greg (but also for me -my German has got so much worse although it is getting better. Gifti: #if I recall correctly, didn't you speak fluent German three years ago?' Me 'Yeah...'). Circle of death went down well, so I think we may have introduced scarfie binge drinking to Bavaria (so much for civilised European-style drinking). But this morning when me and Greg were cleaning up the bottles we realised that everyone else totalled had consumed what either on of us would on a normal-big drinking night -they still have so much to learn.

Also, everyone had a strange fascination with me cutting up bodies and wanted stories, particularly the girls -Claudia, who insisted that we turn on 'Doktor House' in the middle of the party, even nicknamed me 'Doktor Alastair' after House. I'm not sure I want to be like House though, because I like walking properly.

As a final note, Fischers proposition last might now means that we have been offered weed in every city except Hamburg.

Ano!

2006-12-18T21:58:00.000+13:00

Hey we're just about to leave Prague. But first we need to get some Absinth to take with us and some flavoured tobacco for Benny's water pipe (apparently it is cheap here).

We don't exactly know how to get where we are going (my exchange student's house in Geisenhausen, Germany) but if we get to Munich we'll be fine. So hopefully we'll get to Munich.

Something really funny happened last night and I laughed till I cried. But I can't remember what it was.

Praha -not a retarded laughing sound

2006-12-18T11:59:00.000+13:00

We are in Prague with some guy that knows Hungry Steve. So we were drinking last night. We have had some beers tonight and there seems to have been some weed. Man couchsurfing is just beer and weed man. In Vienna there was so much weed all over the table -here it is not like that but it is actually still here. I like the Czech. Republic -you should "czech" it out. And you could pay for the thingy with a cheque.

We saw the city but we also got lost and I saw a prison because Greg got us lost and then he got off the tram but I didn't. We went to the castle. We didn't pay for the tram because.

Last night we went out with a irish dude, an english dude, a german, a swede, a pole, a slovac, and probably some other people. There was a scary girl that came onto everyone. I thought she was trying to mug me but apparently she was just on something. And we ate a thing. But it wasn't fried cheese unfortunately. Fried cheese is the best thing slovakia gave the world. MAn I could do with some fried cheese now. I wonder if Jon has some cheese.

Ano! Ano!

We don't need no water let the motherfucker Brno. Brno motherfucker, Brno

2006-12-17T06:32:00.000+13:00

We were in Brno last night. We got hammered on pivo (=beer. I have learned everything important in the czech language) and some absinth and then somehow I was in this other bar by myself talking to this random dude and chain-smoking while he bought rounds of rum shots. Then somehow I found Greg and our host Peter again. Sweet night.

Bratislava, Slovakia -not as shithouse as you might think

2006-12-15T22:24:00.000+13:00

I'm currently sitting in a backpackers in downtown Bratislava, the esteemed capital of Slovakia. In fact, as the t-shirts the waiters at the restaurant we were at last night were wearing said, "Bratislava very nice place to start new life." It even included a graph of sunshine hours. I wanted to buy one but they didn't have any left of the one I wanted.

Dinner last night was actually free, courtesy of this sweet Scottish dude we met in the hostel (he had to get rid of his Slovak crowns before leaving for Austria). The first thing Alex ever said to us was that he had only been in Slovakia for an hour and he had already bought drugs and slept with a hooker. Apparently she was gorgeous, but he didn't cum because he was too used to his girlfriend. This made the hooker angry.

Bratislava is a nice city -actually nicer than New Zealand cities. Having said that, we have actively sort out some photo opportunities to play up to our stereotypes. Unfortunately we couldn't take any photos from the castle (or of it really) because it was so damn foggy. We might see if it is better today before we go to Brno, Czech Republic.

Also, it is colder here. 0 degrees actually. This is my justification for drinking the last two nights (we have drunk something every night since Osnabrueck where we were to hungover). The first night was some mystery spirit, perhaps a schnapps-like substance, distilled from pears. It tasted like pear. Even though we left the hostel to get something to eat/drink relatively drunk, somehow we sobered up completely in 30min. Strange stuff.

Then there is the slovak beer -it is good. I like it. Though for some reason it says 10% on the front of the bottle and 4.3% on the back. I think it is probably 4.3% because the 12% Grolsch Canon we had in Eindhoven tasted awful and this doesn't.

Oh and we met a Selwynite here last night. They're fucking everywhere.

Heading east, we hope at least (I'm a poet and I didn't realise)

2006-12-14T01:05:00.000+13:00

We are about to leave for Slovakia. I don't really know what to expect. It should be a bit different to other places I guess. Anyway I just thought I should put up a post in case they don't have the internet yet...

I'll leave you with a quote from Eurotrip about Bratislava:

Scotty: Is there a train soon to Berlin?
Local: Oh yes very soon -they are building it right now.

Austria? More like Austr-lets-get-some-beers.

2006-12-13T07:19:00.000+13:00

So we went for a walk around the city. We never really knew where we were going so we don't know what sites we saw... I remember seeing the summer residence of the Hapsburgs or whatever those fellas were called, a drunk 14 year old at a Christmas market who tried to talk to me (unfortunately morality won out there... 16 did you say?!), and a guy in the subway that wanted one of our beers (of course we fucking want all of these 24-slab of 0.5 litre 5% beers! The nerve of some of these Austrians...).

So tonight we have some beers to drink thanks to Penny Markt -increasingly our favourite budget supermarket above Aldi. And the cheap beer isn't even particularly nasty. Happy times in Vienna.

We will try and post when we are done drinking, but the next post may be from Bratislava in Slovakia.

Comments

2006-12-13T01:19:00.000+13:00

We have replied to some comments put up. Finally. So if you guys put more comments up (like what you've been up to or some shit) we will try to reply more often now.

In other news, we got up at midday today so have an afternoon to explore Vienna by day. Then we'll probabaly get hammered. We are about to get some italian spaghetti or something because our hosts are italians from the northern german-speaking region of Italy (Tirol I think). This also means that there is no way in hell I can understand their german when they talk to each other (it's a mix of Italian and German with Swiss and Austrian dialects -the two most difficult to understand...). But we are managing to communicate fine... kind of.

And apparently the subway here is free for tourists... effectively. Well actually not at all. But apparently they never bother sending out fines to foreign countries so you get away with it, if you're unlucky enough to get caught. Anyway, "Alex Peterson" and "Flex McBeer" might just have to lie about where they live.

Yeah so not much more news.

Don't be such a wiener (´do you get it? Wien is German for Vienna. Funny times right?)

2006-12-12T09:22:00.000+13:00

We just got to Vienna. It took all day. We are staying at a flat that is decidedly scarfie. We are drinking beer, smoking flavoured tobacco, and Manuel just went to get 20g (that's a lot isn't it?). Should be a good night... LOL ROFLMAO!!!!11one Teehee wuv u (apparently -that was from Greg)

Time to make like Berlin and split...

2006-12-12T01:46:00.000+13:00

I'm actually sitting in an internet cafe in Nuremberg -we are on our way to Vienna. Berlin was so sweet -thanks go to our hosts Mike and Steff! Anyway I'm hungery like Steve so I'm gonna go get my grub on... and find out what grub Greg put on and if it was good...

Al wants an east Berlin boyfriend

2006-12-11T04:56:00.002+13:00

Actually not, but Greg tried to urinate in a lift and then pick up a girl from the Santa thingy. Then these four asian girls had a massive fight in the middle of the shopping market. Yeah so today we went to the really east bit of east Berlin. Just like the stereotypes pretty much. Also, we tried to drive down some train tracks... Not that much happened today.

The camera is dead -so maybe no photos from now on. Fuck you KCSC. I wouldn't have taken the free camera if I had known it was as crap as the Medieval Battle this year. Maybe if their secretary wasn't such a hottie, (Greg added that, I was going for a different word...) they would get something done in meetings other than urinating on each other.

Ich bin ein Berliner (and VIP)

2006-12-10T22:37:00.000+13:00

BERLIN!!! This city rocks! Amazingly beautiful and historic by day (but I don't know what they showed on tours before reunification because seriously most of the cool buildings are in the east -could be because the Russians carpet bombed the bit that had been promised to the Allies...) and by night, well I never thought I'd say this but the clubbing is amazing.

Well particulary amazing when your host has all the right connections and gets you into one of the most exclusive clubs for free because his friend -a top DJ- is playing and then you get taken to the VIP room where there is free vodka and redbull and a guy whose sole job is to get you anything you want and the cool people you're hanging out with apparently were all major German actors and producers and the like. Massive night. We got home at like 5am and the club was still getting started.

Then last night we were at a party for the closing of some 5-star hotel. Another VIP event. Red carpet, paparrazi (who photographed us, then asked who we were and seemed a little disappointed -better lie next time), and apparently heaps of celebrities. It didn't really go off, but it was still cool to be there.

Oh and we're loading upon cheap kebabs (€1) -East Berlin represent!

Youth Hostels

2006-12-08T13:39:00.000+13:00

We found a free couch in the street. We called in Gertrüd. We sat on Gertrüd and ate our breakfast/lunch. We considered burning Gertrüd, but that's not how you treat a new friend over here. We also sat on a stage for a bit... people expected us to peform (there were lights...) so we left.

You meet some sweet people in Youth Hostels:

- the 6 foot 8 german guy we talked to last night.
- this sweet as german dude called fFlo who might become a couchsurfer and helped us out with Prague.
- this American called Alex who we went to the bar the Beatles became famous from with and who also taught us to ride the U-Bahn for free. Also, tellign the hookers it is Greg's birthday and he needs a little something-something doesn't work. They assume you need entertainment too...

Goodbye Hamburg (like Amsterdam but not quite as cool), Hello Berlin.

Red light districts

2006-12-07T22:16:00.000+13:00

Having now been to two of the world's most famous red light districts (Amsterdam and Hamburg), I have noted the following important points:

- Hookers in Hamburg dress like Unicol girls (Ugg boots, jackets with faux fur trim, jeans and a bad fake tan).
- German hookers are more persistent... and for some reason greet you by offering to let us double team her.
- Unlike in Amsterdam where most people are tourists looking around , in Hamburg it's all Germans so the hookers get offended if you shun them. Also, they expect you to speak german. Luckily somehow the german Mr Vercauteran taught me got me through... Greg started by saying something non-sensical in Italian, which worked at first till it back-fired and I ended up trapped against a lampost by a nasty hooker speaking French (for some reason). After escaping this situation, I taught him to say "nicht heute" (not today). This worked much better. One of the whores even responded that tommorow would be better for her too.
- There is a street in Hamburg that would be Mike's favourite in the world -no women allowed in, only men above 18. It was where the other hookers hang out in windows like in Amsterdam, except here it is gated off. Unfortunately, it wasn't more risque than Amsterdam and in fact there was this one hooker that was so big that I reckon at some point she must have started eating while in her cubicle and is now trapped by her rolls. My eyes didn't like it...
- There are no drug offers in Hamburg... I guess this kinda suggests the whole "Dutch tolerance" thing doesn't really work that well for stopping the hard drugs...
- Greg pissed in a playground.
- We got the equivalent of a twelve pack of NZ beer for like NZ$3. Europe is the best country on earth. Why can't we have Penny Markt too?!?!

Yeah so that's all for now. We head to Berlin tommorow.

Nothing really happened, but I thought I should make a post anyway...

2006-12-06T21:50:00.000+13:00

We're still in Osnabrück but are heading to Hamburg today. Currently we have no place to stay there so yeah... Hopefully couchsurfing will come through for us in the end but as it is it looks like we'll end up in a youth hostel. Fuck I hate paying for accomodation...

Anyway so yesterday was a bit of a write-off. We were all a bit hungover but that was partially cured by a massive fry-up -cheers Henry! We then spent the rest off the afternoon watching movies and Scrubs. So we've seen a lot of Osnabrück...

In other news, German police are rascist. They walked through our train and checked the passport of the one darkie on our carriage (they scrutinized this for some time) and didn't even look at the rest of us. For all they know, some of us could have had drugs in our pocket that they couldn't finish from the night before because Amsterdam weed is so unbelievably strong so they took it with them to Germany where their cousin helped dispose of it... hypothetically of course.

Got hammered... again

2006-12-06T01:19:00.000+13:00

We made it out of Amsterdam ok only to arrive at Al's cousins place in Osnabruck, Germany. Then he proceeded to get us thoroughly plastered. Its now 1.21pm and we have just had breakfast. Osnabruck is a nice town and from what we can remember the bars werent bad. Al souvineered himself a non-smoking sign. He's very pröud.

Nothing happened... honest

2006-12-04T04:47:00.000+13:00

We're in Amsterdam.
.
.
.
.
Tomorrow we leave.

P.S. Lucy whats your bust size and waist? Lace or leather?

Amsterdamned

2006-12-03T05:30:00.000+13:00

So that was a sweet night, as you may be able to see from the post. Big thanks to Tom for letting us stay and showing us a good time. We caught a train up to Amsterdam today, its a great town. Every third shop sells sex, another third sell weed and the other third are just, well, shops. The streets smell of weed. Alastair would also like to mention that he saw a windmill on the way up, thus effectively completing the dutch experience. Al would also like to add that, quote: "they were at least 15". And frigid obviously. Bitches. But dutch girls are ridiculously hot. Dont tell Lucy.

Eindhoven? YHes?

2006-12-02T15:05:00.000+13:00

Al spewed iin the street. shit. drunk. whered th weed cum from. tom got it and lost his jacket, but i got signs fornhim. sleep? Maybe. Hey all in NZ! love you luce!

Possibly the best country ever.

2006-12-02T10:44:00.000+13:00

We are in the Netherlands. You can get 24 beers for 3.50 euro. 5% beers. I love this place. Also we're staying with this sweet as guy called Tom. We are drinking.

Eindhoven is the city that the lightbulb was invented in -it lights up my life. That is a pun for you all. We are heading to Amsterdam tommorow.

Also, Bavaria is considered a really good beer here while heineken. grolsch, orangeboom and amstel are shithouse.

Sweet country.

Continued... by Greg

2006-12-02T06:34:00.000+13:00

So anyway, Al started the night a pussy but we were in fine form by about 2am. When hot wax was being poured on chests we knew the night was getting good, or it was about to go downhill very quickly. Gaz (English Bartender) started telling us about his... i mean his friends experience with hookers in Amsterdam as Al listened intently. Next came the table breaking and then Shaun (Canadian Bartender) called Lauren (Australian Bartender) TnL (Tall and Lanky). Shaun the proceeded to save (hit on her) from Billy, the resident drinker extraodinaire. All in all twas a good night and I went to sleep on the floor at a casual 5am.

A massive night.

2006-12-02T01:13:00.000+13:00

So we were staying at this pub in London and Al wanted to go to bed at like 5pm. But Greg made him get up and drink. Then it was like closing time and the manager showed up smashed with some random band so the pub opened again. It was leadsinger's birthday -he looked 18 but was turning 27. As an incentive for us to stay we were given free drinks. Anyway, as time is about to run out at this internet cafe, what happened was Alastair ended up working behind the bar while the manager went off with this guy called Grant (who may come and stay with us next year) and ended up passing out in the corridor at about 7am. To be continued...

More stuff we have learned

2006-11-29T22:41:00.000+13:00

According to this police billboard, it's a common misconception here that "I get drunk and give her a couple of knocks around -the police don't take that stuff seriously anyway" is true... Interesting place.

Alaso, all the beers here have wierd stigmas associated with them. For example, instead of Stella being classy it is called 'the wifebeater' because it apparently makes you violent. Damn you Clifford, with your Stella and your rape. And Carlsberg is considered really trashy.

Things we have learned in London so far

2006-11-28T23:25:00.000+13:00

1. Nothing.
2. Nothing
3. Don't bother talking to Welsh people. You will only understand one word per sentence and you'll go from talking about rugby to being offered Portuguese hash and have no idea how the conversation got to that.
4. Al is really muscley and would be a much better rugby player than Greg, UK people are hilarious! Also, Greg, being scrawny and all, would have not as much success with the rich sluts of Richmond.
5. Greg is the man for "not having to ask his missus for permission to go overseas".
6. We're in England for the pound. THE POUND!
7. Apparently we look like terrorists -we got massively questioned at Heathrow.
8. English people can't do kiwi accents.
9. Jamie is a massive loser. He has a fake ex-girlfriend. Kayla apparently doesn't exist, having failed to meet her twice when she was apparently there.
10. You can't drink off jet lag.
11. Frangelico and beer is actually quite nice. Well at least we remember it to be...
12. We 'spied' a Sushi restaurant in Piccadily called Itsu that is to die for so we went 'rushin' over there but it was all boarded up with cops outside. But we still left 'glowing'.

Who said we werent multicultural?

2006-11-25T13:57:00.000+13:00

Right now we have purchased authentic Taiwanese drink.... 2 cans of "C is for Creative People who drink C", 1 Can of C&C Vitamin C Drink and one box of Fin, it appears to be dolphin juice.

Taipei

2006-11-25T13:39:00.000+13:00

We are in Taipei. At the airport. Greg is taking a nap somewhere so I went to find the internet. Everything here is is asian so I'm having a bit of trouble.

The hotel was sweet - 5 star. So we stole as much shit as we could. Unfortunately a lack of space meant we couldn't take the bath robes.

There were these wierd green plum things that tasted like apples at breakfast. I shall name this new discovery "green apple plum".

We tried to go to a market last night, but it started closing up when we got there. Rascist. Also, when we go through customs they don't even look at our passports because we are white. Racism is awesome.

Anyway, flight is bording in 5 minutes so I better sign off.

The Departure

2006-11-24T14:07:00.000+13:00

We are at Auckland Airport. Al has had severe issues spelling departure. That's pretty much it.

Oh and we won $3 on the instant kiwis so spent it on out-dated pixie-caramels.

Al can't spell caramels either.

Bon Voyage (to ourselves). We hope you all have a boring summer -ours will be better.

The Travellers

2006-10-26T22:54:00.000+13:00

GREG

This is the first of the profiles of the two travellers.

Greg originates from Tauranga and is just finishing his first year at Otago University. He is studying a BA in economics/philosophy/politics, a BSc in geography, and a 'B' nice to girls in Lucy. He is set to return for his second year at the Knox College hall of residence in 2007.

Some of Greg's hobbies include drinking, playing rugby, and dressing up in women's clothing. He has been known to mix all three of these into one quite disturbing mega-hobby.

Below is a photograph of Greg and his hot girlfriend, Lucy. Greg is the one unconscious on the floor.

ALASTAIR

This is the second of the profiles of the two travellers.

Alastair originates from Wellington and is just finishing his second year at Otago University. He is studying Medicine -that's right, he'll be responsible for your health in the future. He is set to move out of Knox College into a flat in 2007.

Some of Alastair's hobbies include drinking, distilling alcohol, and writing incredibly offensive material for the student magazine. He hopes that he will be able to continue drinking and being offensive as he progresses through his medical career.

Unfortunately Alastair is currently without hot girlfriend (that's right ladies, he is single). He is forced to make do with his own hot self, as the photo below shows:

New Zealand versus Europe

2006-10-23T09:50:00.000+13:00

This is the ongoing story of one of the world's most epic journeys:

- 2 guys.
- 2 return tickets to Europe.
- 2 months.
- NO definite plans.

The saga begins on November 24th, 2006.